Curtain Call
by marylinevelyn
Summary: Buffy, Willow and Xander take a moment to say goodbye to everything they're leaving behind as they cross the Sunnydale city line.


AN: I don't own anything to do with Joss Whedon's wonderful creation. RIP Buffy.

She stared at the town that was. The town that was her home. The town where she first kissed Angel. The town where she graduated high school. The town where she learned a bit about psychology. The town where she died and was buried. The town where she self-destructed. And now it was the town where he died. It was the town that was.

It wasn't a lie, Spike, she thought suddenly, as she looked down at the gaping hole. She turned to face the gang. They had been calling her name, she didn't know how many times.

"You guys go on along ahead. I'll catch up," she said stoically. Willow looked at Xander and he nodded and they both moved to stand on either side of her and turned to face the group.

"No, you guys, I got this," Buffy reassured them. Willow put her hand on Buffy's shoulder and Xander wrapped an arm around her.

"Buffy are you sure?" Giles asked anxiously. "We can give you a moment if you need…"

"No, Robin and some of the girls need to get to a hospital. We'll be right behind you." She was amazed at how measured her voice was. Then again, the last two years of her life, the first two years of her third life, she had become amazingly good at keeping her tone even and emotionless when needed.

"All right then. Buffy," Giles said gently, coming forward, "You did well." He smiled and she weakly smiled back.

As Giles turned back towards the bus the others followed, Dawn looking over her shoulder anxiously at her sister and Buffy tried to make her smile stronger for her. And then it was just the three of them, like it should be.

"You guys didn't have to stay, it's not…"

"Buffy, you ran when Angel died…the first time anyway….and, well, we decided, we're not letting you," Willow stammered.

"Buff, you've scared us half to death a million times and pushed us away a million more. And we love you for it. But let us say this goodbye with you."

Buffy nodded numbly and felt the tears gathering in her eyes.

"I told him that I loved him," she whispered and felt the first few tears fall.

"When?" Willow asked, surprised.

"Down there, in the hellmouth. I took his hand, and I told him I loved him. And he said…he said no, I didn't, but thanks for saying it. And I didn't stay to watch him die! I didn't stay with him till the end."

She shook her head, trying to clear herself of the tears, of tears over a man so often not worthy of them.

"And I don't know if I meant it or not. I just thought I should say it, you know? And he…"

"Buffy it's okay. He understands," Willow reassured her passionately, "Or…understood…Xander?"

"Buff I got to hand it to you, you have picked some pretty terrible men. But they loved you. And Spike loved you. Even if he had the wackiest ways of showing it."

Buffy nodded again and turned back to face the remains of Sunnydale.

"I don't want to leave," she whispered. And suddenly she was running towards the edge and scrabbling down into the ravine. She tripped and fell and rolled and skidded until finally she was at the bottom. She walked several paces in and got down on her knees. She touched the dust in front of her, wondering if he had even turned to dust, if there were even any remains of him. If there was even any proof that he existed. Darla dead and gone, and good riddance, and Drusilla, and half the town practically it seemed. It was just her then, just her at the end with all the memories.

It wasn't love, with him. It wasn't love that kept her from killing him all this year, or kept others from trying to do it for her. It was time. He had been there through everything in a thousand different ways, each more horrible than the last, but he had been there, and he had stood the test of time. He had been there on the night she and Angel had made love. He had been there the night she killed Angel, Hell, he'd even helped her do it. He was there when she told Angel it was over, Hell, he was the one who told her it was over. And he was there through Dawn's arrival, Riley's leaving, her mother's dying, her own dying and rising, her falling apart, evil brewing and finally, the end. This was the end. And she couldn't make herself believe it. Six long years. There would be no more fights to the death, no more witty banter, no more leather duster, no more Big Bad, no more mind-blowing sex, no more impassioned love speeches that she never really got tired of. It was the end. She should have been mourning the end of Sunnydale, but all she could feel was the end of him.

He wasn't Angel. He wasn't…he wasn't a lot of things. But he was real. He was real for me in a way Angel never was, she admitted, sitting back on her heels. I smelled his skin and tasted it a thousand times, and fought him and hated him…and loved him. That is, I loved him as best as I could as my broken shell of a whole. But that 'best' wasn't enough for me, and so I wouldn't let it be enough for him. And I'm sorry, Spike.

You weren't the love of my life, sorry, and so this heartbreak is a little easier than the last. You weren't Angel, sorry, again, you know, for saying his name. I know you hate it when I say his name. But you were…God you were…you were incredible sex. And comfort. And devotion.

She shook in an effort to contain her tears as she gathered some dust into her cupped hands and held it for a second. She felt a gentle hand on her head and looked up and saw Willow there, and Xander beside her, holding her hand.

"This is really it," she sobbed, and threw the dust down. "I don't get a happy ending. Why don't I get a happy ending?" She shouted at the sky.

"I don't know, but I'm thinking that mall trip sounds mighty good right about now," Xander replied.

"Xander," Willow admonished, jerking her head in Buffy's direction.

Buffy smiled and brushed her hands off and wiped her eyes.

"Xander's right. All these battles have pretty much destroyed my wardrobe. I'm thinking a whole new look is in order. And I'm thinking maybe now that I don't have to be the Slayer, a lot less leather. You know it's really not as comfortable as it looks."

She stood and faced her friends.

"That's my girl," Xander said, wrapping her in a hug.

"Well then, let's get this show on the road," Willow said hopefully, "I wonder if we called a taxi and told them to come to the Sunnydale city line would they do it? Or do you think we should call Giles?"

Buffy linked her arms through her friends' and they started walking back to the edge of the cavern.

"Goodbye home," Buffy sang cheerfully.

"Goodbye Sunnydale High that got so unfortunately resurrected in pure hellmouthian fashion," Xander added.

"Goodbye UC Sunnydale from which I never technically got to graduate," Willow called.

"Goodbye Spike," Buffy whispered, before leading the climb up the hillside.


End file.
